@thr33circles: Quitting twitter is the adult version of running away from home. We ALL know you're doing it for attention and we ALL know you'll be back.
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@iwearaonesie: *quietly tries to open a bag of chips while son walks around looking for his bag of chips*
@GrantTanaka: Shoutout to the wife for stacking her shampoo bottles in the shower like she's on her last 3 turns on Jenga.
@Sickayduh: "Dad, what's the difference between love and lust?" - Well, ya know your teddy bear? "I love it" - While you're at school, the dog lusts it.