@thenatewolf: Rabbits are either running or being a statue. You never see a rabbit strolling.
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@ElgatoEsmio: Texting you back right away doesn’t make me a psycho. What makes me a pyscho is watching you through your window while petting your cat.
@kumailn: If someone's mean to you, just lean in and whisper "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world" to them & get that monstrosity stuck in their head.
@lilgapeach30: Ate reduced fat cheese on low calorie bread and my taste buds had me indicted for hate crimes.
@Playing_Dad: Boss: Did you bring the reports? Me: Hold on. *reaches into pockets and pulls out two middle fingers* Boss: I resign. You're the boss now.