@topaz_kell: Rage against the machine is what I do when my candy bar gets stuck and won't drop down.
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@novicefather: You say my obsession with Justin Bieber tore us apart but I say my momma don't like you and she likes everyone.
@jwoodham: THANKSGIVING ICEBREAKERS: (1) Obama, am I right? (2) Ebola, am I right? (3) Was his full name Bugs Bunny or was he just a bunny named Bugs?
@thedailymarker: Ladies, if all he does is make you cry then maybe you're dating an onion and not a man.
@iwearaonesie: me: Should I pack condoms? wife*laughs* me*driving* wife*still laughing* me*checks into the hotel* wife*calls friend so they can both laugh*