@RowdyBowden: Raggedy Andy knew he was becoming a man when he noticed yarn where there wasn't yarn before.
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@gerryhallcomedy: Cop: Sir, you can't use hand-held communication devices while driving Me: [trying to hide ouija board] What are you talking about?
@omgthatspunny: The Black Death was the best disease. Any attempts to replicate it are just plague-iarism.
@nerdreign: I worry that people who say "I'll sleep when I'm dead" may have missed a Science class or two.
@thinkingparsnip: *DJ drops the beet* ERRYBODY IN THE CLUB begins wondering why the DJ would bring a root vegetable to work with him.