@ElleOhHell: Raise your hand if this is your first time under a helicopter. Ah, sorry to make an example of you Johnson, but that's why we never do that.
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@jlock17: If our children don't learn cursive, how will they ever be able to read those inspirational tattoos people put on their ribs?
@tehaveragejoel: "will..." *Starbucks barista squints at name on cup* "... the Red Slime Shoddy please stand up?" *Eminem flips table and storms out*
@SweetestSarcasm: If you love someone... Bury them in your backyard so no one can find them. Then you'll have them FOREVER! *looks out window & smiles*
@AbbeYaar: When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger & write "WASH ME" on her face.