@101Racey: Ran a bath, checked Twitter, flooded Europe.
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@stephenjmolloy: [Interrogation room] Good cop: "Confess and we will go easy on you" Sweet tooth cop: "You bes- *hears music* -ICE CREAM MAN!" *runs outside*
@T_Bonezzz_: [INFOMERCIAL] "Order now and receive 50% off The Clapper. CLAP ON.. CLAP OFF.. THE CLAPPER" Tyrannosaurus rex: *Sighs... *Changes channel
@flashember: [Giraffe Weatherman] "Yes Bob, we have a major blizzard happening up here but *giraffe lowers head* on the ground we're still looking good."
@FinnMcIver: I recently bought one of those Dutch ovens, but everything I cook ends up tasting like farts.