@GimpySunshine: ran out of deodorant this morning, so I spritzed on some windex. Now birds keep crashing into my armpits :(
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@Kimpulses: You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.
@tastefactory: COP: We have reports of u blasting music. ME: Sorry I'll keep the Metallica down COP: We were told it was Britney Spears "Lucky." On repeat.
@thefurlinator: if you're havin girl problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems and they're all bottles of beer on the wall
@Smooheed: Bad hair day 429: I no longer look as though I've been electrocuted, but the birds, so, so many birds