@JIMBOSWELT: Randomly screaming and moaning in agony is a great way to get a seat by yourself on a packed bus.
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@drewjanda: Imagine a spider. Scary, right? Wrong. This spider is imaginary. Really makes you think
@vikkaroni: You're never too old to throw random shit in people's shopping carts when they aren't looking.
@ojedge: [on a plane] Stewardess: "Would you like a mint? It'll help your ears during takeoff" Me: "Sure, can I have two?" *puts one in each ear*