@eric10F: Rappers are terrible with pets: the Baja Men let their dogs out, DMX never knows where his dogs are at, and Pitbull is awful.
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@kumailn: "Wow there are a lot of non-brown people in Gaza." - anyone tuning into Ferguson coverage late
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: I set a record for the rope climb in high school. 4-year-old: You climbed it the fastest? My wife: He cried the most.
@Bearslietoo: A good sign that you're not ready for children is if you cut your food with a credit card.