@snmrrw: Rasputin never died that day, as an immortal being. He hid for decades, before dropping the "Ras" and slipping back into Russian politics.
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@carlyken: The most important lesson I learned from watching The Muppet Show is when cooking meth always test your product on the drummer of the band
@ericsshadow: [me holding a door] PRETTY GIRL: [over her shoulder] thanks. ME: sorry, i'm married, but in time you'll get over me.
@Lama911: Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro.