@AGreaterMonster: Rather than ever clean a window I just tell people they're frosted.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Ameiam: My date told me I have nice skin. It's not like he's gonna make a mask out of it right? *nervous laugh*
@EllDavey: I go in bars in a suit & tie, drink all night & write tweets down in a notebook. They're not quite sure if I'm the district manager or not.
@Diversion50: [at interview] INTERVIEWER: Who inspires you? ME: Peter Piper. INTERVIEWER: What does he do? ME: It's difficult to say.
@KenJennings: Rationally, I now understand that my parents were always Santa, but I still don't get how they made it to all those houses in one night.