@mattytalks: Rather than trying to "change" your passwords, accept them for their imperfections and they will grow stronger than you can possibly imagine
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@wickedsuga: Him: I just want a stable relationship. Me: Yeah, horses are cool. Him: ........ Flirting is hard, you guys.
@carlyken: Just remember, every time someone misuses the word "epic" Zooey Deschanel covers another Smiths song on her ukulele.
@boring_as_heck: [dumps gatorade on coach after losing the big game] we know how much you hate gatorade you piece of shit
@TomTheWicked: Daughter: why does that guy with the whistle keep interrupting the football game? Me: because mommy isn't there to do it.