@daemonic3: Rather than vote, let's all fill out the 29 dimensions of what we want in a president and let eHarmony decide.
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@rickolantern: Went to my niece's elementary school field day last week. I won every single event. Every. Single. Event.
@XLCadillac: [job interview] “Why should I hire you?” “Because I have pictures of you with a goat?”
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: We need to go to the store. We’re out of milk. Me: We can wait a few days. Wife: We’re out of beer. Me: *dives in the car*
@ibid78: The year is 2072. Numbers have lost all meaning. It could be 3247 for all they know. "It's 5486," says one guy, but it could've been 8 guys.