@PaperWash: Read an article that said Google is making us dumber. whatever, I've always used Google and I'm super [googles synonym for smart] able.
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@MissNaughty1801: Boss:I need you to do something for me... Me:what? Boss:go on the jobcentre website and look for another job
@TheToddWilliams: [therapy] DOC: A fear of clowns is not that uncommon ME: No, a fear of clones DOC: Oh…that seems irrational OTHER ME: That's what I said
@DaddyJew: My first day as a cat burglar, Victim: you know you don't actually have to dress up like a cat when you do this Me: *hisses
@SmiggieBalls2: *grandpa in hospice* "son your generation relies on technology too much" "no gramps" *pulls the plug* "yours does." beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep