@WilliamAder: Read the tweet above this one and then the tweet below it. People paid FORTY-FIVE DOLLARS PER SHARE FOR THIS.
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@karatechopmonk: I tried coke once. And then for like another 3 years to make sure I didn't like it
@juliecursively: HEY, mom of 3 unruly kids staring at her phone in the bookstore: ... Do you have a charger I can use?
@FullMetalMommy: Chin up divorced people; lots of us smug married parents envy your 50/50 custody agreement.