@WilliamAder: Read the tweet above this one and then the tweet below it. People paid FORTY-FIVE DOLLARS PER SHARE FOR THIS.
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@DontTouchMyWine: Standing in the liquor store, trying to decide if tonight's dose of self-loathing and regret should have a screw-top or a cork.
@myonlymizztake: His last words were, "I'm just going to tell her to calm down, and remind her that she still hasn't made dinner."
@spicy_peen: What medications do I take? I'm not sure. The names on my neighbor's prescription bottles are ridiculously long
@david8hughes: Our family summer boat trips haven't been the same since grandad died & demanded we bury him at sea. In the boat.