@AaronFullerton: Reading about how much Daniel Craig hates Bond is like The Pope Visiting Kim Davis all over again.
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@QwertyJones3: [FBI job interview] "Do you have any self defense training?" *flashback to hiding behind fence from teenagers* Yes I'm skilled at fencing.
@ruinedpicnic: Joe: $400? For ONE night? Innkeeper: It's the honeymoon suite. [outside] Joe: No rooms. Mary: None? Joe: Bummer, huh. That barn looks cosy?
@iTomFoolery: If it was the choice between having the last pizza on earth or the last sex on earth, which toppings would you have on your pizza.