@FoxCGrandpa: Reading my shopping list and finding "a shit ton of oats" clearly in goat handwriting again
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@LosLos__: Interviewer: What is your greatest strength? Me: I have a nap for dealing with conflict. Intvr: Do you mean "knack"? *pulls out pillow*
@Quartzjixler: If by 'paleontologist' you mean I can name all 5 shapes in the box of dinosaur chicken nuggets then, yes, I am a paleontologist.
@NotThatKevin: I said my wife's name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet's empty...
@ingmarbirdman: If you're literally asking me to choose between our relationship and my obsession with pointing out doors to people, well, there's the door.