@ch000ch: (reads smudged writing on hand during date) i just want to say that u look really preffy tonight
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@WeissBrandon: When I ask my wife if she wants help, she changes the subject and asks if a bear shits in the woods, like I'm some sort of bear scientist.
@behindyourback: *a friend tells me their problems* me: mhm, ok, have you tried eating about it?
@4ScoreN20Bowls: It is possible to chew and swallow $80 of shrooms in the length of time it takes the cop to walk from his car to yours.