@KenJennings: REAL '90s kids will recognize this! ---> Current unemployment.
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@KevinBuffalo: The best place to get pumpkins cheap is driving around the neighborhood at 4AM. Got 5 nice ones this morning.
@KyleMcDowell86: IN CASE OF FIRE BREAK GLASS *breaks glass* *a glazed honey ham pops out* "Nice nice"
@KalvinMacleod: DOG BOSS: Any messages for me? DOG ASSISTANT: just one from Mr. Agoodboy DOG BOSS: who’s Agoodboy? DOG ASSISTANT: *tail starts wagging*
@thatdutchperson: [first date] Her: know what you're getting yet? Me: a burger and one of those coloring menus. Her: oh, you have a kid at home? Me: no.