@KenJennings: REAL '90s kids will recognize this! ---> Current unemployment.
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@WalkingOutside: I like to pack a healthy lunch for work so that by 3 p.m. I'm ready to do unspeakable things for a piece of chocolate.
@tastefactory: [at subway] And just a little lettuce. *the guy starts backing a truck full of lettuce toward my sandwich & the truck is beeping* No wait.
@SteveSuckington: [third date] Her: please quit calling me Jenny Me: oh my apologies Jennifer Her: my name is Amanda
@pleatedjeans: Global warming is real the number of hot singles in my area has been increasing since 2007 that cannot be a coincidence