@ThisOneSayz: Real Estate Agent: it’s a 3 bed, 2 bath...
Witch: ...but?
REA: it’s made out of gingerbread so lots of kids linger around
W: I’ll take it
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@truegritrumble: (God Creating Vegetables) GOD: What if we made fruit gross?
@KateWhineHall: "...This one is TOO big. This one is JUST right." -my daughter, picking out her preferred public toilet.
@Shock_Monster: According to my Ex, we only had 2 problems: 1. Me. 2. Not her.
@patrickhogan91: 22 y.o. male seeks woman who will kill spiders for him. Will do sex if required, but mostly please kill spiders
@LionJenkins: I imagine colonoscopies are accompanied by the theme music from the underground level of Super Mario Bros.
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