@TitansHomer: "Real men like a woman with curves" - Fat Chicks
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@ArfMeasures: DATE [annoyed] in your profile, it said u had amazing abs ME [slams car to a stop] Amy it's the best anti-lock braking system I've ever had
@TitansHomer: Just saw a guy at the gym with only 1 arm. If that's not motivation, I don't know what is? Seriously, I don't know, I'm leaving...
@monica_L1257: *6yo comes out with dripping wet face* Me: what did you do? 6: my brother dared me to dip my face in the toilet water *speechless*
@doktorj: Ziiipppp, zip, zip, zip, ziiiipppp! *Me, dramatically ending a marital spat during a camping trip