@StashTheTash: Real person: Do you have Twitter? I'll follow you! Me: Nope, sorry. Don't have a phone or a computer. Or a microwave. Hard times and all..
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@Steven37366100: HR: We’ve noticed a substantial amount of office supplies missing recently. Me *wearing a 3-piece suit made of Post-It notes*: That’s odd
@hgracestewart: I try to live each day like it's my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
@wolfpupy: heres my To Do List - become the new kfc colonel, mess with texas, invent a new animal just to piss off scientists