@StashTheTash: Real person: Do you have Twitter? I'll follow you! Me: Nope, sorry. Don't have a phone or a computer. Or a microwave. Hard times and all..
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@UncleDuke1969: [office] Me: Happy Black Friday! Latisha: … Me: I made a cake! Latisha: … Me: … Latisha: … Me: … Latisha: … Me: It’s chocolate.
@longwall26: If a deadly alligator appears in the instant after you tell your friends you'll see them later there is literally no way to warn them
@Douchekevin: A cash bar on parent / teacher interview nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.