@JBWogan: Real sentence from a press release in my inbox: "Donald Trump lives, works, eats and employs people of all races and religions."
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@RidiculousSheri: *me looking at a police lineup* Number 3 is cute. OMG Is he single? Give him my number! What? Oh. Right. Five. Number 5 killed my grandpa.
@UncleDuke1969: Her: Are you a dog person or a cat person? Me: ... H: ... M: ... H: Why are you hesitating? M: I'm not sure which answer will get me laid.
@hrtbps: The Grammar Nazis burst in. "We know you're harbouring Jews, Mrs Gies" "There ain't no Jews here!" "Double negative! Search the attic, boys"