@OneFunnyMummy: Real women don't wish their enemies would die, just that they'll get fat.
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@SteveSuckington: 1st wise man: I brought gold for the baby 2nd wise man: [hiding frankincense behind his back] actually that gold is from both of us
@sofarrsogud: *Son storms in 'DAD! Teacher told me that hibernation is NOT a country of stoner bears and that you're to stop helping me with my homework'
@slimmy_shady: Went to the doctor the other day, he told me I had to stop lap-dancing. I asked him why and he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."