@OneFunnyMummy: Real women don't wish their enemies would die, just that they'll get fat.
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@TheCatWhisprer: Hello Darkness, my old frie- *the lights suddenly turn on* oh it's like that now?
@Ygrene: *Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman all avoiding eye contact with Aquaman as he walks in to work & sees Michael Phelps sitting at his desk*
@leslid79: I wear my heart on my sleeve because if I wore it on my chest, it'd just get mustard stains on it.
@HairyJew4Life: Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn't it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?