@shegotagronk: Realized it was time to seek help for my Twitter addiction after I opened a carton of eggs and said "Oh look, 12 new followers!"
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@jakob_huber: Jealous that secret agents can get out of any phone conversation at any time by saying "it's not safe to talk on the phone right now"
@TheWoodenslurpy: My paranoid boyfriend broke up with me. "It's not you," he said, looking around. "It's them."
@CerebralWreck: [date started at 9 pm] [9:30 pm] Her: I love long awkward silences. [10:20 pm] Me: Me too.