@gregg_mc: Really? EVERYBODY was kung fu fighting?
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@Phook75: I just folded a fitted sheet so beautifully an owl just delivered a Hogwarts acceptance letter to my house
@SCbchbum: My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree.
@birbigs: "You're joking about calling it Good Friday, right? I told you the part about the nails?" -Jesus
@sixfootcandy: Avoid being invited back to a party by showing up with a 25-gallon jug of lube and a box of rubber gloves.