@causticbob: Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?
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@Cheeseboy22: Just purchased one of those wigs that lawyers in England wear to put on when I have an argument with my wife.
@HousewifeOfHell: I stuck a "Baby On Board" sign on my minivan to warn the other drivers how fussy and tantrum-y I get when traffic's bad or I miss my nap.
@MatCro: [first day as a midwife] ME: Keep pushing! I can see the head! NURSE: You're at the wrong end.
@TheCiscoKidder: A fine piece of art is like a fine piece of ass, I don't understand either one but I want to take both home and mount them against the wall.