@causticbob: Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?
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@stephenjmolloy: [Trying to impress a girl on a date] Me: "Not to brag but I'm getting Windows 10 for free."
@HeidiCF8: I put my pants on like everyone else... As the cop taps on the glass and shines his high beam in my face.
@Sickayduh: "Saying hot is disrespectful. You should say beautiful instead." "Fine. Can you pass me the beautiful sauce then?"