@TumblrsFunnies: really high
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@ChaseMit: America's national mascot should just be a drunk white girl typing on a shattered iPhone.
@MaraWritesStuff: I still can't believe it when someone in the bathroom stall next to me is talking on the phone I mean, who TALKS on the phone
@okimstillhungry: Who thought blowing out candles on a cake was a good tradition? Ah yes; wax would go well with this cake and you know what else? Child spit.
@novicefather: [william shakespeare as an 8yo] dad: bedtime william: dost thou not... dad: [interrupting] STOP TALKING LIKE THAT!