@KateWhineHall: Really, there's no need to ever take your kids anywhere fun because they can just sit and complain at home for a lot less money.
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@RdrJay47: Me: I'd like to adopt that baby. Clerk: Sir, that's a family sized platter of Super Nachos.
@jonnysun: ur honor, i call GOD as my witness *jury gasps* *nothimg happens* *slowley, a man w/ beard rises from the stands* damit no Gary sit down
@TheTimeIGotHigh: "I was so high that I cried because I realized that snakes are just tails with faces"
@KentWGraham: When I awoke from the car accident in a full bodycast, my wife was right at my bedside to let me know that childbirth is still more painful.