@ComedyAndTruth: Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don't have to.
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@decentbirthday: Buddha: all life is suffering Me: alright dude, chill out. they said your food would be out in ten minutes
@: [Changes Siri to male] ME: Siri, tell me the— MALE SIRI: Listen, here’s what you need to know. ME: I… MALE SIRI: Excuse me, I’m speaking
@serialmatrix: If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?