@ComedyAndTruth: Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don't have to.
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@RtrJan: My kitchen drawer was stuck but my husband got it open. I guess all it needed was a big jerk.
@ItsAndyRyan: GYM Man: "Can you spot me?" Me: "Sure" Man: *Throwing down towel* "Invisibility cloak my ass"
@BubblesnBooze: My phone just changed CrossFit to Croissant, this phone really knows me better than any human.
@lisaxy424: Next time I'm at a restaurant, I'm going to do what my cat does and yell until someone covers the empty parts of my plate with more food.