@ComedyAndTruth: Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don't have to.
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@david8hughes: [dentist giving me a filling] Me: guh uh hag a hogreg? Dentist stops: what? Me: do you have a boyfriend?
@jackiembouvier: [Me and coworker going for the last piece of cake] You'd better ask yourself if you can type with one hand, Nancy from Accounting.
@_Tempo11: Sure I get excited when he unzips his pants. I'm pretending it's the sound of his body bag.