@MouVanLee: Reasons why i never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1) I don't have iPhone. 2) I don't have a girlfriend.
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@TheTweetOfGod: America is the greatest country on earth at thinking it's the greatest country on earth.
@AmishPornStar1: You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
@jwoodham: Dear Diary: Day 41 at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry. So far none of the other students have noticed that my wand is a Slim Jim.
@T_Bonezzz: Been dating this new chick and some days i like her and some days i don't. so i made her a mixed signal tape