@neiltyson: Recent evidence indicates that Earth is indeed bi-polar, as we’ve always suspected.
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@therealeatwood: [Ouija Board] Me: Spirit, answer this one question—do you like me? Board: R E A D 1 2 : 3 7 P M
@CulturedRuffian: CHRISTMAS INSTRUCTIONS: 1) Buy presents. 2) Pretend you could afford it 3) Pray the apocalypse arrives before your credit card bill does.
@eff_yeah_steph: When I was a kid, I used to flip my bike upside down and turn the pedals with my hands pretending it was an ice cream making machine. And that’s all you need to know about before online times.