@neiltyson: Recent evidence indicates that Earth is indeed bi-polar, as we’ve always suspected.
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@NintenDom: I named my WiFi after my last girlfriend because it's never fully connected with me. And also because I caught my neighbour using it.
@david8hughes: [date] Me: you wanna see what desserts they have? Girl: how about we go home & I'll let you- Me [calls waiter]: what desserts do u have?
@Tayyxb: David Cameron: "In some parts of Britain there are three generations of families where nobody has ever worked." Buckingham Palace?