@this503girl: Recently found out I'm not the devil. I read the tag on my underpants incorrectly; it said "Satin". Oops.
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@Gowitty: Evening News is where they begin with 'Good Evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
@Sean_Burgundy_: Have you ever considered letting your wife sleep with a marriage counselor? - me as a marriage counselor
@Robert_Beau: The Job Interview: HR: So you are bilingual? Me: Si HR: In your native tongue please. Me: Ooga Booga
@Cheeseboy22: Somebody Cadbury Cream egged our house last night. I'd be upset, but I've been too busy licking off the bricks.