@zachreinert03: Recently joined the mile high club sandwich. That's when you have sex on a plane, and it's with a sandwich
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@justabloodygame: *singing scales* Do, Re, uh... *calls Lionel Ritchie* "Hey" Hello! "What comes after Do & Re on a music scale?" Is it Mi you're looking for?
@SortaBad: Dentist: this is gonna hurt a little bit Me: ok Dentist: I've been sleeping with your mom
@mejustbeth: Weather man said all you need today is sunglasses and sunscreen but I think I'll put some clothes on too.
@bigmacher: Ugly sweater day at work. I'm wearing a new, really nice expensive sweater but walking around saying "ugh, please, this old thing."