@TMZ: Reckless driving, pot allegations and cop visits, Justin Bieber is a bad wig away from being the next Amanda Bynes.
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@shadonium: Him: your account was stolen! Me: My twitter account? Him: no your bank account! *sigh* Me: thanks God!
@hello_saylor: My daily affirmation before work goes something like this: "I enjoy receiving a paycheck."
@jbryantiii: As a young child my mom told me I could be anything I wanted to be. It turns out that the police call this identity theft.
@DirtMcTurd: Two things you need to know about me: 1. I am hung over. 2. Sometimes I say the word over for no reason.