@girlontapas: Red light special: that smug look that you give the driver who was speeding and cut you off then ended up beside you at the red light.
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@KKAlThani: Probably the worst time to ask "shouldn't we go on a date first?" is after getting handcuffed by a police officer.
@jergarl: My wife says I was wasted last night and honestly I don't think she's buying my story about having to be naked to guard the neighbors porch.
@KeetPotato: [studying beached whale] its a new species bill think of a name ok um *surfer walks by* yo killer whale dude *biologists look at each other*
@SteveKoehler22: Women love to say "sexy AF" or "hot AF" on Twitter .... If I'd known being in the Air Force was that hot...I'd have stayed in !