@girlontapas: Red light special: that smug look that you give the driver who was speeding and cut you off then ended up beside you at the red light.
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@Mom_Overboard: Stop being friends with whoever says you can't twerk to Led Zeppelin. You don't need that negativity in your life.
@jimmytorosian: I bring giant stuffed animals into carnivals so when I walk around people will think that I am good at something.
@marrowing: every time my laptop fans start going mental I lean in and whisper "are you mining bitcoin you little shit"
@bobby: [neil degrasse tyson voice] the film is called Home Alone but thats actually a misnomer. in fact, kevin was joined in his home by 2 burglars