@junejuly12: Regardless of how strange your life can be, at least you're not the h in chameleon.
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@Sassafrantz: If you go to the zoo and he doesn't help you steal a monkey, he's not that into you.
@OneFunnyMummy: I remember Daddy told me fairy tales can come true so any time an old lady offers me an apple or cookie I kill her and bury her in the woods
@GavinProbably: How did Hitler tie his shoes? In knotsies. (The unfollow button is only a click away)
@randomlawless: Men don't ignore us; they have selective hearing. Give them instructions for roasted turkey & they'll remember "breast, thighs, moist & hot"