@OneFunnyMummy: Register for a new blender on your baby registry. It drowns out the crying and makes margaritas. You're welcome.
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@rachelle_mandik: Whenever I hear a lady in the next stall trying to unwrap a tampon as quietly as possible I yell, "HEY, IS THAT CANDY? CAN I HAVE SOME?"
@prufrockluvsong: [me, stacking babies on top of each other] Him: Wha...What are you doin there? Me: Oh, you know, just building up the infant structure.
@bourgeoisalien: It's important when dieting to reward yourself and take a break. Then, when you return to your diet a decade later you're all set to go
@Ooft_Headshot: Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.