@FunnyMojoJojo: Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving...
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@Adar79Angie: "You can't build your own man." They told me. But they underestimate my low standards. And my shopping cart full of luncheon meats.
@ANastyGorilla: I'm thankful my wife harvested over $100,000 in potatoes on Farmville while I ate a grilled cheese for dinner & am sleeping on dirty laundry
@McJesse: Are racist people like "ugh, my open minded uncle is going to be at Thanksgiving this year."
@SufficientCharm: My boyfriend thinks it's cute when I use the clap emoji but I've just been trying to tell him that I have an STD.