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@Gibberish_one: Relationship Goals
@TeejayRush: Guys who try to pick up women on Twitter are a bit sad...
Ladies, if you agree, DM me your number so we can talk about it...
@GloriaFallon123: I hope Kim and Kanye surprise everyone and name this next kid something like Bill or Jen
@ibid78: [me] if all dogs go to heaven, then what about Cujo?
[the pope] how did you get into my bathroom?
@dianamail17: Damn my forehead is big!
My Mom used to call it a fivehead.
@TarzanFeathers: My wife remains very racist in her approach to laundry.