@melip0ne: relationship goals
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@slimmy_shady: Kissed a receipt to lighten my lipstick but I need it to return something & now some cashier is gonna think I'm flirting.
@Jasmin_Tatts: I don't usually spank the kids while we're in Walmart but yours were just asking for it.
@ThaJawn: (Animal spelling bee) Owl: Your word is Mississippi Snake: M I Sssssss Sssssssss Badger: *in audience* OH FFS THIS IS GONNA TAKE FOREVER
@fro_vo: *Holds an old lady's hand as I help her across the street* don't worry ma'am i'm sure the doctors can sew it back on