@melip0ne: relationship goals
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@dorsalstream: [kids fighting in the back seat] ME: I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL PULL OVER AND START A PODCAST RIGHT NOW IF YOU 2 DON'T CUT IT OUT.
@LindaInDisguise: Me: When I was lying in bed, I found this huge lump. I need it removed. Doctor: Ma'am, that's your husband. Me: And your point is...?
@ljoywilliams: Seriously hackers, y'all gotta do better. I don't need leaks from HBO, I need my student loan balance reduced to $12