@o__0Dev: Relationship or hallucination? Either way, I'm seeing somebody.
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@XplodingUnicorn: My boss said he wanted the fire drill to be as realistic as possible, but then he yelled at me for looting. Make up your mind, bro.
@clyderun: At the bar I got into a factual debate with another patron. He pulled the "I have a PhD" card. Now he has a PhD AND a fork in his eye.
@ShawtySouth: <--Goes to gym 3 times a week... Cannot separate two shopping carts stuck together at grocery store.