@thatlionkid: Relationship status: binoculars
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@rickolantern: When my goldfish starts acting like a jerk I remind him that his bowl is microwave-safe
@sad_tree: *hit man puts on silencer* *shoots gun* Gun: YOUR HAIR SMELLS NICE LIKE MY MOMS Wth? *looks at case* Oh I brought the awkward silencer
@KKBowls: I let a Jehovahs Witness in my home, I sat him down and said, 'what do you have to tell me?' he said, 'I don't know, never made it this far'