@thatlionkid: Relationship status: binoculars
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@FauxFawx: In 1974 I helped a man called "Falcon" throw a heavy bag into the river.That nite on the news, I learned what it was: 300lbs of used condoms
@InternetHippo: ME: *falls in love only w/ people who are mean to me* Why does this keep happening [flashback] GOD: *points to me* Make that one an idiot
@betulesairafi: I love balloons! I keep tying them to my arm, but I think I'm getting carried away.
@MethShart: David Hasselhoff saves money on tailored shirts by not ordering the first 5 buttons.