@DumbConfessions: Relationship status: can't go to the same bar as last night, because I'm wearing the same shirt as last night.
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@Donna_McCoy: Sorry, I can't be around you today. The temptation to smack you in the face is just too great.
@AndrewNadeau0: The reason fish come wrapped in newspaper is because the easiest way to catch them is to sneak up on them when they’re reading.
@justaride: If you have time-stamped VHS footage of yourself blowing out birthday candles, you'll eventually be abducted.