@sad_jake: Relationship status: fell out of bed while reaching for a donut
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@GingerHotDish: Excuse me lady, either your baby is crying or your tea is ready...regardless, fix that shit.
@davidkenny100: I grew up just a stone's throw away from where that whole family died of mysterious head injuries
@Emperor_Laykes: One advantage of being a woman is no one can surprise you with a kid years later and tell you you're the mom.
@AnkCoupleTO: [special ops briefing] Leader: We're going in deep & hard in the middle of the night Me: I bet you say that to all the boys L: Get out