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@sad_jake: Relationship status: fell out of bed while reaching for a donut
@Cpt_Burnout: Stranger: "Excuse me where is the nearest..."
Me: "GOOGLE IT!"
@bobvulfov: (sheepishly putting my arm around pitbull) so is there a mrs worldwide
@fillthevacuum: Who the hell does that in a sock?!?
*squishes out of the room*
@ibid78: "Babe there's something I've always wanted to do.."
*tenderly moves her bangs away from her eyes then scotch tapes them to her forehead*
@moooooog35: Me: Wanna have a quickie?
Me: OMG really?
Wife: Wait. Did you say quickie or cookie?