@Sassafrantz: Relationship Status: I ate 7 bananas trying to get the new guy at work to notice me.
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@jonnysun: this is stick *dog wags tail* this is branch. its made of sticks *tail wags faster* this is tree. it makes sticks *dog helicopters into sky*
@spacexsam: Forever tricking animals into thinking I'm patting them when really I'm just wiping crumbs off of my hands into their fur
@MadamBetteNoire: Teaching your kids to question everything is important. Until you're sitting there banging your head on the table.
@robdelaney: When a celebrity tweets a whiny complaint at an airline, I vigilantly pray for them to get stranded on a runway for 72 hours.