@kwirkyKerri: Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
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@TheRealRHB: Debit card was repeatedly declined at the grocery store today. I was trying to buy vegetables so the bank just assumed the card was stolen
@TheMichaelRock: HR: Did you call Brenda fat? Me: No. I told her that based on her size, she should be more jolly. HR... Me: Big difference.
@HomeProbably: After 10 missed calls in a row, I'm tempted to answer the phone just so I can find out who wants to be murdered.