@dreamthievin: Relationship status: I tried to blow a kiss but it wants to just be friends
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@michaeldean0116: A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his bum. Doctors described his condition as "stable". #manicmonday
@realdealbiehl: Turns out 6 foot penguins don't exist, in related news, I might have just ran over a nun.
@totmessmom: We really need to stop with the cute names for devastating storms. Winter Storm Voldemort would be taken much more seriously.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: My desires are... unconventional. (Hands you a phone and makes you call my boss and quit my job for me)