@LackOfShame: Relationship Status: Married long enough to know when I hear her say "I love you," she's talking to our dog.
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@crouton_futon: "Oh shit I murdered someone" "You should turn yourself into the police" "Great idea!" *puts on badge and hat* "Looks like a suicide to me"
@P0tterhead_394: My favorite pickup line is when a guy just slides an order of mozzarella sticks towards me.
@Reverend_Scott: "I love the Fall, the trees are so pretty" It's fall?? "Ya, so what?" [leaves start attacking everyone] OMG THE LEAVES HAVE TURNED