@yonewt: Relationship status: outside my wife's window, holding John Cusack over my head.
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@McMcmadmac: My mothers nearly 80 and she still doesn't need glasses. She drinks right out of the bottle!
@CastAwayKristen: NO I didn't eat a whole box of Girl Scout Cookies. I just ate all the cookies inside it.
@jjax44: Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn't leave much room. It's small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
@dafloydsta: How to annoy your children: Me: Don't come in here without knocking Child: Ok *leaves* *knocks* M: Who is it? C: It's me! M: Go away